When there are no words...

I have tried multiple times the last few months to sit down and write this post but have come up woefully short on words to express how I now feel about prayer. But it keeps staying on my heart.  I don't know if I just need to praise Jesus by speaking it or if someone needs to hear it but this is what I have learned: God is with us, period. He knows what I need and when I cannot ask in words my spirit will cry out to him and he WILL answer.

My family got quite the education on the power of our God this summer. I have never had the experience of being so completely covered in prayer as I was when our then 3 month old son suddenly got Infant Botulism.  I think its because I have never really gone through a tragedy. My life has been cush as far as the big things go. But I'll tell you that when you are standing in a hospital room watching your baby code while doctors and nurses frantically try to get him intubated all you can do is think "Jesus help us". There are no other words, no eloquent prayers, only one word comes out..."Jesus". But that's really all that needs to be said.

I am grateful in the aftermath that our friends and family had the presence of mind to pray for wisdom in our doctors, peace for Jared and me, a safe flight to Lubbock and all the other specifics because all those things were provided. But I believe that when you cry out to our savior it doesn't matter if you ask for the right thing because he will always provide what's needed. His presence in that hospital room was overwhelming. I have never felt anything like it. He truly is the only thing that kept us standing, especially for the first few days of no sleep, constant tests, questions and procedures. And still his strength is what is keeping us going while we struggle to get Ridge off his feeding tube.

I constantly came back to Isaiah 41 while we were in the PICU. In the middle of the night, sitting in the corner watching the monitors and machines that were breathing for my baby boy I still could not form a coherent prayer. So I just read this chapter over and over. I had no words but He has given me an entire book of his words.

"I am holding you by your right hand - I, the Lord your God. And I say to you, do not be afraid. I am here to help you...and the joy of the Lord will fill you to overflowing." Isaiah 41:13&16

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